Bullying & Anti-victimization
Bullying
Bullying is aggressive behavior that can be physical, verbal, or emotional. It can involve teasing, name-calling, pushing,
hitting or subtle behaviors such as intentionally ignoring or excluding someone or spreading nasty rumors. Bullying is
intended to cause distress or harm and exists where there is a real or perceived imbalance of power.
Advice for Kids
The key to helping kids is providing strategies that deal with bullying on an everyday basis and also help restore their self-
esteem and regain a sense of dignity.
It may be tempting to tell a kid to fight back. After all, you’re angry that your child is suffering and maybe you were told to
“stand up for yourself” when you were young. And you may worry that your child will continue to suffer at the hands of the
bully. But it’s important to advise kids not to respond to bullying by fighting or bullying back. It can quickly escalate into
violence, trouble, and someone getting injured. Instead, it’s best to walk away from the situation, hang out with others, and
tell an adult.
Here are some other strategies to discuss with kids that can help improve the situation and make them feel better:
• Avoid the bully and use the buddy system. Use a different bathroom if a bully is nearby and don’t go to your locke
when there is nobody around. Make sure you have someone with you so that you’re not alone with the bully. Buddy u
with a friend on the bus, in the hallways, or at recess — wherever the bully is. Offer to do the same for a friend.
• Hold the
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anger. It’s natural to get upset by the bully, but that’s what bullies thrive on. It makes them feel more
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Practice ways to
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er
get your
you about bullying — or has visible bruises or injuries — it can be difficult to figure out if it’s
ut there are some warning signs. You might notice your child acting differently or seeming anxious, or not eating,
usual,
you suspect bullying but your child is reluctant to open up, find opportunities to bring up the issue in a more roundabout
powerful. Practice not reacting by crying or looking red or upset. It takes a lot of practice, but it’s a useful skill for
keeping off of a bully’s radar. Sometimes kids find it useful to practice “cool down” strategies such as counting to
writing down their angry words, taking deep breaths or walking away. Sometimes the best thing to do is to teach kids
to wear a “poker face” until they are clear of any danger (smiling or laughing may provoke the bully).
• Act brave, walk away, and ignore the bully. Firmly and clearly tell the bully to stop, then walk away.
ignore the hurtful remarks, like acting uninterested or texting someone on your cell phone. By ignoring the bully, you’r
showing that you don’t care. Eventually, the bully will probably get bored with trying to bother you.
• Tell an adult. Teachers, principals, parents, and lunchroom personnel at school can all help stop bullying.
• Talk about it. Talk to someone you trust, such as your school counselor, teacher, sibling, or friend. They may off
some helpful suggestions, and even if they can’t fix the situation, it may help you feel a little less alone.
• Remove the incentives. If the bully is demanding your lunch money, start bringing your lunch. If he’s trying to
music player, don’t bring it to school
Advice for Parents
Unless your child tells
happening.
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sleeping well, or doing the things that he or she usually enjoys. When kids seem moodier or more easily upset than
or when they start avoiding certain situations, like taking the bus to school, it may be because of a bully.
If
way. For instance, you might see a situation on a TV show and use it as a conversation starter, asking “What do you think
of this?” or “What do you think that person should have done?” This might lead to questions like: “Have you ever seen this
happen?” or “Have you ever experienced this?” You might want to talk about any experiences you or another family
member had at that age.
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someone about it, whether it’s you, another adult (a teacher, school counselor, or family friend), or a sibling.
If
reluctant to tell adults about bullying. They feel embarrassed and ashamed that it’s happening. They worry that their
parents will be disappointed.
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they’re scared that if the bully finds out that they told, it will get worse. Others are worried that their parents won’t believe
them or do anything about it. Or kids worry that their parents will urge them to fight back when they’re scared to.
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bullied at some point. Emphasize that it’s the bully who is behaving badly — not your child. Reassure your child that you
will figure out what to do about it together.
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sister she idolizes was teased about her braces and how she dealt with it. An older sibling or friend may also be able t
give you some perspective on what’s happening at school, or wherever the bullying is happening, and help you figure ou
the best solution.
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the bully’s parents. Teachers or counselors are probably the best ones to contact first. If you’ve tried those methods and
still want to speak to the bullying child’s parents, it’s best to do so in a context where a school official, such as a counselo
can mediate.
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You can report bul
form.
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et your child know that if he or she is being bullied — or sees it happening to someone else — it’s important to talk to
your child tells you about a bully, focus on offering comfort and support, no matter how upset you are. Kids are often
ometimes kids feel like it’s their own fault, that if they looked or acted differently it wouldn’t be happening. Sometimes
raise your child for being brave enough to talk about it. Remind your child that he or she isn’t alone — a lot of people get
ometimes an older sibling or friend can help deal with the situation. It may help your daughter to hear how the older
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ake it seriously if you hear that the bullying will get worse if the bully finds out that your child told. You may want to talk to
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eport Bullying
lying on-line from your campus hompage. In the Campus folder select Report-a-Bully and complete the
ther Website Links for Bullying/Anti-victimization
http://kidshealth.org/kid/grow/school_stuff/bullies.html (Also in Spanish)
http://pbskids.org/itsmylife/friends/bullies/ (Also in Spanish)
http://www.mcgruff.org/Advice/bullies.php
If
If you think your child may b
your child is the bully
e the bully, visit http://www.pacer.org/parent/php/PHP-c109.pdf
